Conclusions on Writing

Well. I missed EoD's anniversary. So be it.

I've had a little over ten weeks away from various internet places; shorter some places. I feel like it's helped, though that wasn't the intent when I left. I didn't even realise I would be leaving. Part of it was and still is, the ever present depression. That never helps when trying to achieve anything. Being 'free' of those expectations, in a way, has helped. Perhaps they were only my expectations… still, things feel clearer.

One of those things is writing.

I want to write. Setting aside the concept (however valid) of 'whether I publish or not, I am still an author and writer'… perhaps I still want to be a writer, in the sense of published books and such. I'm not certain on that front anymore. But I want to write. I know I'm good at it, even though I have room to improve still.

What once came easily just doesn't anymore. The ideas come, as much as they ever did. But once I could at least get the words onto the screen and worry about it later… now, I seem entirely incapable of translating a world in my head onto the screen, regardless of how I approach it. I may start well, with an idea, and then it fizzles out completely.

And as long that's where the writing is going, be it because of depression or lack of application or whatever, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a writer. It's not a conclusion I like, but it's one I mentioned needing to come to in the last post.

I… really don't know where that leaves me.

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